Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
