He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
