I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
