I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
