Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
