She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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