There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
