I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
