It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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