the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
