drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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