I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
