So drunk, too bad you don't want this
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
