Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize