my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
