I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
