I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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