if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
