you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
