why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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