He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
