so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
