You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize