I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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