dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
