hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
