well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
