Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
