I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
