Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
