So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
