so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
