you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
