playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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