chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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