either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
