5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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