Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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