I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Alive.
So much puke
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize