Ambien. No doubt about it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize