I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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