I want to make a zoo with you.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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