If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
