What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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