After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
