Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
they need to just BURY HIM!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
