did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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