Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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