census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
