He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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