OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Who died my cat blue again?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
