At least make sure they are 18
Why
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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