Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
