how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
