Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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