After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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