Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
