i just google imaged poop.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
