I only kidnapped one of them. chill
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
