So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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