I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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