grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
