you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize