I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
