Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
3pm strippers are depressing
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
