Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
