it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
