Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
