next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
