All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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