and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
