I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
