He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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