Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
