doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize