I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
