I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
