Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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