Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
