I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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